When I was younger I used to daydream about what my future would be like. I always dreamed about having a small property, having horses, some chooks and enough space to have quiet and privacy from the world. I wanted to have my kids while I was young and I wanted to get married when I was young.

One of those dreams came true and I am so thankful that I was able to have my babies when I was young because they have been the reason I’ve stayed relatively sane!! Am I resentful or sad about my past? No, I feel like my past has made me who I am today and I’m happy with the woman I have become. Would I handle some fairly major events and situations in my past differently if I knew then what I know now – abso-bloody-lutely!! But at the end of the day our past is thankfully in the past and that’s exactly where it should stay.

I often hear people ask what advice would you give to your younger self? My advice to the young, undamaged and naive Susan would be to stay away from people and organisations who try to control you and who make you feel unworthy because you don’t march to their tune or measure up. Stand up for what you believe in, don’t judge others, seek out kind-hearted people who love and accept others with no conditions or judgement.

When I came across these photos the other day I couldn’t help but notice the hope and joy in my face. I’m glad we don’t know what kind of difficulties are ahead of us but I’m also thankful for all the lessons I’ve learnt as a result of the difficult things which have happened in my life. I may not have youth on my side anymore but I don’t give a rats arse about aging and I truly believe my wrinkles, my sunspots, my wobbly backside are part of who I am and part of my journey – like it or leave it.

I’m looking forward to the future, I’m living in a beautiful part of South Australia, I’m working with a great bunch of girls, I’m making new friends and enjoying a less hectic lifestyle so thank you Past for the lessons you have taught me so far and cheers to the Future!!

When you first become a mother (and in my books that happens the minute you know you are pregnant) you no longer own your body or your life.  One of the first things that changed for me was I no longer enjoyed decent sleeps without being woken by morning, afternoon and evening sickness.  Then you get woken by beautiful bundles of joy who don’t want to sleep at night time (or in my case during the day either).  As the darlings grow up you starting getting what you now consider amazing long sleeps – except of course when they are sick and you go back to operating on zombie mode.

I remember thinking it’s going to be amazing once my kids are teenagers because I will be able to go to bed when I want and will finally get a decent sleep. Yeah right, teenagers wake you up just as much as toddlers, especially if you have a two story house and a son that is 6 foot 4 inches and built like a Mac truck… Dan I appreciate you trying to tiptoe around the house when you still lived at home but my god it sounded like Shrek stomping through the woods!!

One of my goals as a mother was to raise independent children who would grow up and leave home early.  My kids are definitely independent and due to the fact that their parents split up when they were 15 & 17 they moved out of home exceptionally early by even today’s standards.  Part of me was sad because I didn’t like the fact that they probably would have stayed home for longer if their parents were together but part of me was glad because kids are meant to fend for themselves and have their own lives… plus it meant I would finally get a decent nights’ sleep on a regular basis!!

But just when you think you have control of your own life in walks another fucking disaster and mine came in the name of Alopecia.  When I had hair I took so many things for granted and a good example of that is how your hair on your head and body keeps you warm.  I have never been so cold in my entire life and believe it or not no one has invented a way for us baldies to keep our heads warm in the winter!!  I have tried headsocks (which are so damn sexy, thank god it’s just me and dog nowadays), beanies, scarves and even my itchy wig but guess what – they all come off your bloody head and you wake up with a head that feels like it has a ton of ice piled on it.

Life is funny (and by that I mean ironic not hilarious).  We have no control over most things that happen in our lives and one of my sayings has always been; “ya gotta laugh cos its either that or sit in a corner and rock and I ain’t doing that”.  Even though I find “sleep time” quite frustrating and I seldom wake up feeling refreshed I am still happy and thankful because life could be a lot worse.  So when you’re feeling down about your cold noggin or whatever it is that gives you the shits don’t forget to be thankful for all the fabulous things in your life – even if it’s just the hair on your head or your chins. Keep your chins up sweetcheeks!!

I live in a country town which has less than 600 people and I think I have a few of the towns folk confused because sometimes I am wearing Raquel, Juliette, a scarf, a beanie, a straw hat and when I’m in my backyard (which has low fences so anyone passing by can see me) nothing on my head at all. I’ve had a few people say things like; “oh you’re the person who walks your dog around the town, I didn’t recognise you today”. Sometimes I explain that I have quite a few wigs which give me a completely different look but sometimes I just leave them to wonder if they are going insane.

Juliette was an impulse buy before I left suburbia and she has been a good wig considering the old girl only cost $110 but she’s looking a bit worse for wear now and I was due for another Bupa rebate so today Mum and I made a trip to Bonnie’s Wigs to find a new girl. Ginger cost me $500 but again I got $450 back from Bupa. I’m still waiting for my human hair wig to arrive from Melbourne but Ginger is already proving to be much more comfortable than Juliette as she’s a handmade wig with a lace cap.  Thank you Karen (from Bonnie’s Wigs) for your patience while I tried on numerous wigs today and for giving her a trim to suit my massive noggin.

Ginger has given me that feeling I used to get after spending a few hours with my gorgeous hairdresser but I still wish I had my own hair on my head.  I feel bad complaining about being a Baldilocks especially as there are people with serious health issues and I don’t like to complain about some of the difficult things I’ve experienced over the past 5 years either but bloody hell I am so glad we don’t know what’s just around the corner.

On a positive note I am saving hundreds of dollars each year not having a single hair on my body!! I used to buy quality shampoo, conditioner, conditioning mousse, Argon oil, regular colours and cuts, bobby pins, hair ties, pretty things to put in my hair, shavers, shaving cream, regular eyebrow wax and eyelash tints! Having said that; I never thought I would long for that little goat hair that used to grow out of my chin but my gosh, I would cry for joy if that bastard ever made a comeback!!

Anyway girls, I think the moral of this story is enjoy, love and embrace everything about yourself including those stubborn little goat hairs you have on your chin because things can change in the blink of an eye. And make sure you encourage, support, compliment, praise the women in your life because we never know what’s just around the corner and we need all the love and support we can get. Love, Baldilocks. xx

A few years ago I had the pleasure of meeting another fabulous chick on this planet called Janine.  Anyone who knows me knows I don’t go looking for friends but when I find a good mate we usually remain friends for life.  Janine and I met at work and we hit it off and understood each other from the first conversation we had.  Janine is an amazing woman who has experienced the highs and lows of life just as we all have, mother to three lovely men, wife to a husband who adores her, she has a post-grad degree in Education but doesn’t talk about it even when surrounded by other educated humans who are blowing their own trumpet and I feel lucky to call her mate.

One of the many things Janine and I have in common is we give everyone nicknames.  Not long after meeting Janine she named me Mary Bogan – she said I look like Mary Poppins but act and talk like a bogan and she’s damn right on the later.  I don’t know if it’s because I’ve grown up in Straya/Elisbef but my brain is definitely full-blown bogan on a lot of levels.

So in honour of being a full-blown bogan the above photos are Mary Bogan in full swing.  The cap for my Angel Wig arrived the other week and as I was taking these photos I had to laugh at how completely bogan I am (druggie shirt and all).  When my wig cap arrived I had a video phone call with the gorgeous Angela from Angel Wigs to discuss the fit, where my parting should sit and how it felt on my noggin.  It’s going to be another few months before I receive my actual wig and I tell ya what I’m really looking forward to it because it’s been a year this month since I lost my hair and I am really struggling this week.

I’ve never been a vain person but I’ve also never been the kind of person who struggles with serious body issues but it’s been a whole year now of not feeling like a woman or feeling even slightly pretty.  What’s so difficult about this fucking disease is that there is no end in sight.  My hair will probably never grow back and it’s really difficult to think that the second half of my adult life on earth is going to be spent looking like a manly alien (yes, I know the druggie shirt doesn’t help but stiff shit cos I like it).

Having said that; I am aware that I am very lucky on so many levels.  I have two beautiful kids who are both working in the industry they want, they are loving responsible adults who love their Ma.  I have loving supportive parents, a gorgeous little cottage in the country and a little bogan truck in the driveway.  I am trying very hard this week to toughen the fuck up but sometimes ya just gotta have a whinge and allow yourself to feel like shit.

This blog post is dedicated to my precious mate Janine Clarke – love ya heaps buddy. Xx

Before I left Adelaide to live in the country I was fortunate enough to meet a gorgeous young woman called Mel at a Alopecia support group dinner.  Mel told me about a $5000 government grant that South Australians suffering from Alopecia are eligible for.  Mel also told me that I needed to go and see Angela in Melbourne as she’s the woman to see about a decent wig.

So with Christmas and the New Year out of the way Mum and I decided to do a road trip to Melbourne to see an angel about a wig.  Meeting Angela was a treat in and of itself, she is a very warm and caring person who is passionate about her job and her clients.  Angela grew up in Broken Hill and became a hairdresser at the age of 17  and then moved to Melbourne and started a salon in St Kilda at 22 years of age.  One day Angela was chatting to another salon owner in the area who was looking to sell her suction based wig agency so Angela decided to combine it with her hairdressing salon which also catered for the orthodox Jewish women who wear net wigs after marrying.  It wasn’t long after however Angela found out about Freedom Wigs, a New Zealand based company which has a different type of suction based wig with an option of a soft more comfortable suction wig designed for people with Alopecia.  Freedom wigs are also known as suction wigs and are made with  100% uncoloured European human hair and have a soft silicone cap which the hair is attached to.

I spent about an hour and a half with Angela to discuss what type of Freedom wig I wanted which was a fairly straightforward conversation because I want my old hairstyle back. I loved my hair before it all fell out so it didn’t take long to show Angela a few photos of how my hair used to look.  Angela then took a 3D scan of my head to make sure that the silicone cap fits perfectly on my noggin and I chose the type and colour that I wanted my wig to be made from.

The most incredible feature of Freedom Wigs is they sit so snuggly on your head you can wear them whilst swimming – even though I no longer live by the beach I’ve really missed the water this summer and am dying to hit the local pool.

It will take about 3 months for my Freedom Wig to arrive but that’s ok, I’ve been without a decent hairdo for 10 months so another few months isn’t going to kill me. So if you have an itchy, hot, uncomfortable, ill-fitting synthetic wig which would float away if you hopped in the pool, it’s time to go see Angela the angel from Angel Wigs!

Angel Wigs: http://www.angelwigs.com.au & angela@angelwigs.com.au

Airport Tourist Village: http://www.atvm.com.au/ – The girls really looked after me and its only 35 minutes from Angela’s place of business and has free airport shuttle.  Don’t forget to check with Angela to see if her husband is available to collect you from the Airport.

South Australian Government Grant information:  1300 295 673, ask for Oriana.

I have always disliked labels, when I was married I used to ask people not to call me Mrs Western I preferred to be called Susan.  I don’t like forms which ask if I’m divorced, married, single, de-facto etc. what difference does it make?  Just the other day I was asked at my new doctors surgery if I was heterosexual or homosexual – I told the poor nurse (who was simply entering the information on the government database) that my sexuality is none of the governments damn business!!

Having said that; I frequently use ‘labels’ to define people… my friend who is short (I’ve actually nick-named her the Hobbit because she’s so tiny) or my classy friend who always looks gorgeous when she goes out, my pommy-friend from work (until she told me off and pointed out that she was more Australian than me as she actually took out Australian citizenship (lol), my friend with the seven kids… the list goes on.  One of my girlfriends told me she used to describe me as her friend with the gorgeous hair and without trying to sound proud I knew that was a fair description because I knew how to style my hair and I was lucky enough to have the kind of hair that people complimented me on even on ‘bad hair days’.

I’ve never been one to dress to impress and I especially don’t like the idea of dressing to attract attention, my goal has never been to look sexy – my goal has always been to hopefully look classy and the one thing I’ve always had complete confidence in was my hair – how fricking ironic!!!

Losing all my hair in the space of three and a half weeks was very confronting because it was the one thing about my appearance that I never doubted.  I cried more about losing my hair than I did about finding out my husband of 18.5 years had been unfaithful.  It’s been nine months since I lost all my hair and although I am getting closer to accepting the fact that I may be bald for the rest of my life I will never been happy about it.  I now have another ‘label’ to add after my name… Hi, my name is Susan, I’m a bald 43 year old, divorced, overweight woman who hates how labels define us but yet here I am with labels galore!!

When I was losing my hair I searched google for quotes that might make me feel better about myself as a woman with no hair and this is what I found… “She is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future”.  This has become my new mantra and I’m trying desperately not to allow my baldness label to define me.  I need to have confidence in the fact that I have strength and dignity rather than in the fact that I had beautiful hair.  Easier said than done… but I’m trying!!

Towards the end of last summer I lost all of my hair in the space of three and a half weeks but I remember thinking at the time that it will be back by next summer.  Next summer is here and I am still as bald as a badger!!

One of the few drawbacks (in my mind) of moving to the Mid-North was the fact that I would no longer be living minutes from the beach.  But yesterday I met a new friend for coffee who is originally from the absolutely delightful town of Port Broughton, a lovely coastal town less than an hour from my home town.  I was telling my new friend that I’m really not feeling confident about swimming this year and not just because I’m carrying around a bit of extra pork, but because I don’t feel confident about swimming with no hair on my noggin.  My new friend said she would come with me to the beach to support me in this next step of accepting my baldness but I woke up this morning feeling brassy and ready to face this demon.

I never thought I would say this but today this buxom baldy hit the beach naked!!  I went nude-nut on the beach and after my swim I seriously put catwalk models to shame as I strutted my nude-nut and my ever widening arse back to the sand.  It was very liberating to swim with absolutely nothing on my nut and it was SO nice to feel the sand between my toes and the taste of salt on my lips as I came out of the ocean.

I hope I get to the point (especially in the summer because wigs are bloody hot and itchy) where I feel confident walking around town etc with nothing on my head but I’m not quite there yet.  I am very pleased though that I’ve faced my fear of swimming without hair and I will definitely being making regular trips this summer to all the nice coastal towns in this neck of the woods.

I was sitting at my breakfast bar the other day enjoying a cup of tea when I heard a strange noise.  It almost sounded like a paper bag moving towards me and so I stupidly looked behind me to see how that could be happening.  As I looked down to my feet I saw who was responsible for the strange noise.  A one metre brown snake was slithering underneath the barstool (which I was sitting on) making its way towards my oven.  It’s interesting what goes through your mind in situations of panic.  My first thought was if I scream like a girl my beloved dog will come running, possibly attack the snake and my Hudson would most likely be killed.  My second thought was I have to get a photo of this bastard and my third thought was nah I’m imagining this cos there’s no way a Brown snake could actually be inside my lovely little cottage.

After taking photos of Mr Brown I ran outside knowing my Hudson would follow me then I flung a crate up against the doggy door so Hudo couldn’t get back inside and called my ex-boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend lived out bush for a number of years so he was the perfect person to ask what the hell I was supposed to do with a snake in my house!?  To cut a long story short I managed to trap Mr Brown in my bathroom (thanks to Derek calmly talking me through the entrapment) I then ran like a girl across to the road to get my neighbour who dealt with the intruder for me.  Mr Brown now sits on top of my kitchen cabinet and as I do the dishes each morning I literally look up at Mr Brown and say out loud, “F@#k you Mr Brown, you and your mates will not defeat me!!”

I have been living in the country for 3 months now and there are so many things I love about living in a small town, except for snakes, I will never get used to them!  I love the routine things which happen in my town because they remind me that I no longer have a life of rushing from one deadline to the next.  I haven’t set an alarm for 3 whole months and I can’t explain how much joy that brings me.  There are so many things which happen regularly in my town so there really isn’t much need for clocks or alarms.

My neighbours son gets picked up every morning at 7:45am and once I hear the toot of his bus I roll out of bed and turn the coffee machine on.  At 3:45pm my neighbours son is dropped home again so I know it’s time to start thinking about my second walk for the day.  On Sunday’s at 8:45am a minister from one of the many churches in town walks down the middle of my street with his black suit and white shirt on ready to lead his congregation in worship then at 9am the church bells ring – even though I am no longer a church-goer I love the sound of the church bells on Sunday morning.  At 11:30am on Tuesdays I hear an almighty racket as all the kids from the local primary school do their weekly walk past my house.  Each of these quaint little routines bring a smile to my face because they make me feel lucky to be finally living a quiet and peaceful life.

The other thing I’m really enjoying about country life is the new friends I’m making.  Kaye and I have become friends because she organises the Book Club I am now a part of.  Kaye has the most amazing garden, it is both beautiful and productive.   We have shared a bottle of wine on her back deck, we have shared a meal and a yarn at the pub I now work at and we have wandered around her garden which ends with me walking home with an arm full of beautiful big beetroots, cabbage,  broad beans, carrots, and asparagus – just to name a few of the yummies Kaye sends me home with!

So whilst I will never get used to having visitors like Mr Brown in my home I’m looking forward to many years of enjoying the peaceful country life and having old and new friends share it with me and I will continue to have an ‘up yours’ attitude to the challenges which come my way!

Maria was given to me by my sister on my recent trip to Adelaide, my beautiful sister purchased Maria when she shaved off all her hair to support me when mine was falling out.  I’ve talked about this in a previous post but it still blows me away because I have to admit I don’t think I could have done the same.
My apologies for the stereotypical names that I give my girls but I go with the first name which pops into my head.  Maria reminds me of those lovely Mummas who are short and round and have a huge smile on their face when they are cooking their darlings the yummiest food ever.  I would like to say that when Maria is on my head I make the best Spag Bol but that would be a lie, my ex-boyfriend makes a better Spag Bol than me!
I moved to the country 66 days ago and I am SO glad I have made the move, I actually made scones the other day which is something I haven’t done in years!  A close girlfriend of mind asked me the other day if I am glad I lost all my hair because it gave me the guts to make the move and obtain the lifestyle I’ve always craved.  I told my dear little midget of a friend that she would have to ask me that in 20 years’ time because even though I feel I am the happiest I’ve been in a very long time I still wish I had hair.
It’s strange that losing all my hair gave the courage to quit my secure and well paid job in the burbs, sell my house and move to the country – I feel like the ‘normal’ reaction to something as shocking as finding out that I may be as bald as a bloody badger for the rest of my life would be to stick with what I know rather than make such a huge change on my own.
I only go back to Adelaide to visit my son and the other important people in my life and as much as I love spending time with my loved ones I cannot wait to get back to my quiet little town and my rustic little cottage.  I never loved living in suburbia but I’m now at the point where I find being back in the burbs quite draining.  I find the crowded streets, the bumper to bumper traffic, the noise, the graffiti, even all the signs of items and services for sale quite oppressive and intrusive to my head space.  I know that sounds like I’m being melodramatic but I’ve noticed it’s not until I get to a certain point on the highway where all I can see are paddocks and wide open spaces that I start to relax and breath properly again.
So now that you’ve met Maria and heard how she came into my life I would love to hear about any big changes you’ve made in your life and what gave you the guts to make those changes – feel free to comment below 🙂

What do we need in life to survive and be happy?  Ask anyone who knows me well and they will tell you that I have always wanted a symmetrical cottage in the country and a 4×4 Ute.  I’ve managed to buy myself a lovely little symmetrical cottage in the country and I have started to save for a Ute.  What have you always wished for?  And why is that so many of us wish for certain things or wish for our lives to be different but yet we don’t do anything to make it happen?
So many people I’ve met over the years have told me what kind of lifestyle they would love to have which may include a sea change, a better car, a more relaxing lifestyle, more time to focus on their hobbies etc. but very few people actually making the changes required to have the life they so desperately crave.  In fact most of the people that I know, who are unhappy with their lives, are spending more money on useless items to fill the house they don’t particularly like (and will most likely never own) in an effort to find happiness.
For the past 23 hours I have had no power and when the power went off statewide an instant quiet came over my town and it was as if the usual groan (which I can always hear from all the technology and resources) gave a huge sigh of relief and everything became deathly quiet.
This morning I wasn’t able to flick on the coffee machine and the toaster instead I went in search of my gas camp stove and cooked some toast over the flame and made myself a cup of tea.  I wasn’t able to watch a movie after dinner and I wasn’t able to use my mobile phone as the battery went flat and there was no service anyway.  I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed having no power because it forced me to do nothing and made me realize that all I need is food, basic shelter and love.  I have now reached the stage where my kids were trying to get through to me to make sure I was ok – that’s all the love I need in life. I am one bloody lucky woman and I have all that I need (except maybe a bit of hair on my noggin so I actually feel like a woman again!) 🙂